Summer gets an easy ride. The proverbial life of the party, the time of year that is celebrated the most in popular culture and good music (hey now, if Roy Ayers loves the sunshine then who are we to argue?)
But is summer that great really? Especially as Brits, we think we want constant glorious weather, baking hot sunshine, long days turning into long nights, but we can’t handle it and, well, it can be a bit crap.
Now, I’m not claiming to talk for anyone but myself here, but I’m quite glad that summer is behind us for another year, and here are a few reasons why…
Who likes wasps really? I reckon even the biggest wildlife lovers like Chris Packham and Noah can’t stand wasps. They’re basically little flying skinheads, ruining everyone’s day and looking for a great big fight.
Fancy an ice cream? No chance. Want to put something in a public bin? There they are, hanging about like a moody 1980s football firm. Jam butties in public? Just forget it. When do wasps rear their violent little heads? Summer. I rest my case.
How many times have you gone for a nice walk, a quiet pint, maybe even just a last-minute bit of lunch in the park, only to have everything ruined by swathes of people with crap taste in clothes and even worse taste in music being loud and having ‘fun’. Nowhere is safe, there’s even a good chance there’s some shithouse with an acoustic guitar murdering in your own back garden as soon as May becomes June.
Big coats are amazing. Doesn’t matter if you’re going for a timeless parka, a big puffer coat that makes you look like an industrial water tank, or a shabby old number that gives off vagrant vibes, big coats are just great.
They’re like an old friend, ready to give you a big warm hug and a biscuit; and will forgive you for shoving them in the back of the wardrobe for months at a time. If your coat could wear a coat, then they would give you the coat off of their own coat back. Just imagine that.
Ok, we’ll give summer one thing – barbecues. Barbecues are pretty sound, unless wasps or annoying people turn up, and as we know both are pretty likely. But if you want to you can eat barbecue food all year round, just stand in your kitchen and wear sunglasses and voila. But stew? You can’t eat stew 365 days a year.
There’s just something about hot weather that makes the combo of gravy, veg, some kind of questionable meat and a bit of beetroot unappealing. But as soon as it gets drizzly there’s nothing better than a big bowl of stew and a chunk of bread so thick you could stop a bus in its tracks with it.
You wake up, the sun cracks through the gap in the blinds, you think “ah yes I’ll wear something nice and summery rather than dressing like a goth at a funeral” and pick out that ace yellow tee you picked up off Depop for four quid the other week. You throw it on, check yourself out in the mirror and realise it has instantly turned a dark shade of orange because it is summer, and you are sweaty at the drop of a hat. This is your life now. You are some kind of biped fish person.
Join me next month for ‘Ok autumn you’re getting on my nerves now, please come back summer, all is forgiven’.